Oh the sweet relief of accepting God's help! I read the book "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman. She struggled her whole life with depression. It was so insightful and familiar to read how she felt... I had felt some of the exact things. The HUGE difference was that she turned toward God, whereas I turned away. That was the biggest mistake of my life. I ran and became angry at the only One who had the power to help me. I allowed my earthly mind to dwell in dark places and self pity. Here is one of the quotes by Larry Crabb from the book. (I have no idea who Mr. Crabb is)

-Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream.  -Larry Crabb



The Chapman family adopted 3 Chinese girls over the past 10 years. In 2008, their youngest, Maria, was hit and killed by a car... driven by her brother who adored her. The walk through the tragedy and their grief was heartbreaking and inspiring all together! They all turned toward the God of Life! They each went through every emotion I had ever felt, as well.... sorrow, anger, denial, guilt, anger, anger, anger. But with these emotions they would pray and ask for God's Hand to comfort them. They would study and REMEMBER the TRUTH. They did go through counseling and therapy, and some medications, but those are, in my opinion, healthy measures to take for those that need them.

A verse from the Bible that I read in this book really spoke to me and reminded me that SO many people have suffered on this earth.... even the apostle Paul. I must remember that I am never alone, and He is ALWAYS with me.


Psa;m 40: 1-3 I wait patiently for the Lord. He will turn to me and hear my cries. He will lift me up out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire (past 4 years of sickness and family deterioration) He will set my feet on a rock and give me a firm place to stand. He will and is putting a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.


The ultimate goal for me is that people hear my story and come to know and love Him. I trust Him to heal my family. I trust Him to glorify himself with my suffering.

May this be your experience' may you feel that the Hand which inflicts the wound supplies the balm, and that He who has emptied your heart has filled the void with Himself. -James Hudson Taylor 

Just for fun, here's an example of my "angry" face that I've worn for quite a while...






And here's the face I've been wearing the past several days... It feels wonderful, and permanent!!