Monday, July 25, 2011
How to encourage someone with depression...
Posted by
Molly Stroud |
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Many people I've talked with recently have a desire to help, but they just don't know how. It's like after someone loses a loved one, you want to say words of comfort, but nothing seems good enough.
Here are a few things NOT to say to a depressed person:
1. This will all pass before long...
2. I understand that you're "sad"
3. Why don't you read this book or attend this Bible study?
4. Maybe this is a consequence of some past sin..
5. Maybe you should just rest more and take vitamins.
6. Why don't you just get out and do things...
Statements like these show me that this person, though well meaning, has no clue what depression is or what to do about it. If a person was an insulin dependent diabetic, a helpful suggestion wouldn't be, "here, read this book, get out and do things, and it will pass in time". The fact is that their body cannot produce the vital insulin, and if they don't take it they will die. Their illness is not the result of a past sin or that they are having a "pity party".
The challenge with depression is that it isn't visible like a broken limb or corrective surgery. It is silent... and when it goes silent too long, disaster can occur. A few helpful things to say are these:
"I'm thinking of you. Call if you need to talk."
"Can I bring you a meal to take some stress off of you?"
"Do you need my help in any way?"
"Here is my phone number. I am always ready to listen."
Unless you have experienced depression first hand, please don't try to convey that you know what this person is going through. Don't analyze your theories on how this person got to this point in their lives. Just convey love and support... just love and support. If all else fails, just give a quick hug, handshake, or loving smile... and say nothing.
Here are a few things NOT to say to a depressed person:
1. This will all pass before long...
2. I understand that you're "sad"
3. Why don't you read this book or attend this Bible study?
4. Maybe this is a consequence of some past sin..
5. Maybe you should just rest more and take vitamins.
6. Why don't you just get out and do things...
Statements like these show me that this person, though well meaning, has no clue what depression is or what to do about it. If a person was an insulin dependent diabetic, a helpful suggestion wouldn't be, "here, read this book, get out and do things, and it will pass in time". The fact is that their body cannot produce the vital insulin, and if they don't take it they will die. Their illness is not the result of a past sin or that they are having a "pity party".
The challenge with depression is that it isn't visible like a broken limb or corrective surgery. It is silent... and when it goes silent too long, disaster can occur. A few helpful things to say are these:
"I'm thinking of you. Call if you need to talk."
"Can I bring you a meal to take some stress off of you?"
"Do you need my help in any way?"
"Here is my phone number. I am always ready to listen."
Unless you have experienced depression first hand, please don't try to convey that you know what this person is going through. Don't analyze your theories on how this person got to this point in their lives. Just convey love and support... just love and support. If all else fails, just give a quick hug, handshake, or loving smile... and say nothing.
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1 comments:
My husband love to say, "just get out and do something" & has no idea how unhelpful that is. I think in general women are better at the supportive part, but not always.
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