Friday, July 29, 2011
Scared...
The more I learn about this maddening disorder, the more afraid I become. I'm afraid for my children. I don't want them growing up with a mom who is "different" from other moms... a mom who sometimes can't do things that are important to them... a mom who cries for hours, for no particular reason.
I HAVE to conquer this!! There are several reasons for this resolve.. here's one.
Her name is Anna... She is 13, and needs her mom for guidance.
My Julia.. spunky and spirited. She comes to me all day long wanting a hug and a kiss. I can't describe the guilt I feel when I would rather be left alone. It just tears me up inside...
Sweet Olivia... she seems so used to being without me. I feel that she has detached somewhat. My heart breaks. I don't want her to slip through my fingers....
Then there's my Will. He's oblivious to most everything around him, but maybe it's because I haven't been well since he was about 4 years old. He told me yesterday he was glad I was his mom... oh how the tears flowed.
Then there's this man. Why he hasn't left me, I don't know. He says every day that he will not give up on me. He says he just can't live his life without me. I'm the only woman he's ever loved, and he won't lose me, he says.
Just like the wretch who is unworthy to stand before the Lord, I feel blessed and unworthy to have these precious people in my life. Oh Lord above, I don't want to let them down! I have no choice... I cannot give up... but I'm scared.
I HAVE to conquer this!! There are several reasons for this resolve.. here's one.
Just like the wretch who is unworthy to stand before the Lord, I feel blessed and unworthy to have these precious people in my life. Oh Lord above, I don't want to let them down! I have no choice... I cannot give up... but I'm scared.
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