Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Slow Fade
When changes occur in your life, most of them are slow and minor.. but to look back over time you can see how each little step has lead you to an entirely different place. I like the analogy of the two ships..
Two ships were sailing side by side. One ship represents you, and the other can represent anything that is symbolic to you, (God, truth, friendship, marriage, children, parents, ect) As time goes on the ships sail together in unison. One day, your ship's course varies by only 1 degree. It's not a lot, but without correction, over time, you will look up and see that you are an ocean apart from the other ship. You find yourself alone in vast open waters, unsure of which direction to take to get back.
This is how depression slowly changes your life. The changes are so subtle that for many months they are unrecognizable. Then, one day you open your eyes to see yourself floating all alone in a dark, scary place. You may even be surrounded by friends and family who love you, and yet they don't see the water... they don't see the dark. They don't understand it, because they can't.
This may sound overly dramatic, but the best visual example I've ever seen of how depression takes over your life, is the story of Smeigel "Gollum" from Lord of The Rings. He starts out as a normal person in his community, until one day he finds a ring that has a strange power over him. Over time, he notices painful changes occuring, but doesn't have the strength to give it away. His body begins to change. He is isolated from his community. He is in extreme amounts of physical and emotional turmoil. He hates who he's become, yet he knows it's too late to turn back. He is trapped in a body and mind that controls him. The sequence of Gollum's transformation in "The Return of the King" always makes me very sad.... for I, too, am unrecognizable to myself.
As a physical example, this is what I looked like just a month before my hysterectomy:
Active wife, mom, friend, daughter, and church member. I had it all together.. the life of the party. Then after three years of illness and depression, my outsides began to match my insides....
So evaluate your life right now.. Has your ship veered off course? Can you see signs of a slow fade? Have you awakened to find yourself alone in the water? The good news is that by changing our course, even just a little at a time, we can find our way back. I feel alone all the time, but I have decided to accept the FACT that I am not. I cannot trust my feelings, so I must trust in the truth.
Two ships were sailing side by side. One ship represents you, and the other can represent anything that is symbolic to you, (God, truth, friendship, marriage, children, parents, ect) As time goes on the ships sail together in unison. One day, your ship's course varies by only 1 degree. It's not a lot, but without correction, over time, you will look up and see that you are an ocean apart from the other ship. You find yourself alone in vast open waters, unsure of which direction to take to get back.
This is how depression slowly changes your life. The changes are so subtle that for many months they are unrecognizable. Then, one day you open your eyes to see yourself floating all alone in a dark, scary place. You may even be surrounded by friends and family who love you, and yet they don't see the water... they don't see the dark. They don't understand it, because they can't.
This may sound overly dramatic, but the best visual example I've ever seen of how depression takes over your life, is the story of Smeigel "Gollum" from Lord of The Rings. He starts out as a normal person in his community, until one day he finds a ring that has a strange power over him. Over time, he notices painful changes occuring, but doesn't have the strength to give it away. His body begins to change. He is isolated from his community. He is in extreme amounts of physical and emotional turmoil. He hates who he's become, yet he knows it's too late to turn back. He is trapped in a body and mind that controls him. The sequence of Gollum's transformation in "The Return of the King" always makes me very sad.... for I, too, am unrecognizable to myself.
As a physical example, this is what I looked like just a month before my hysterectomy:
Active wife, mom, friend, daughter, and church member. I had it all together.. the life of the party. Then after three years of illness and depression, my outsides began to match my insides....
This show and tell is not to evoke pity... it is to put the truth out there and help others know they are not alone in their pain. Yes, I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life, but those who love me continue to love me no matter what size I am... and I believe that.
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2 comments:
Molly, thank you so very much for posting this! You are a brave and beautiful person and always will be! I too have suffered quite a bit since my surgery...many changes have come but I am thankful for my friends, family, and the Lord most of all who has never left my side. You have my love and prayers for all you are going through. I understand completely. Cindy
beautiful and honest. we are your newest followers. :-)
chach & nellie
the third boob blog....and other adventures in mommyhood
www.thethirdboob.com
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